What is it with people’s urge to procrastinate on online community websites? There was TheMakeoutclub, then there was Friendster, now it seems all your friends have a Myspace account. Because it is easy to loose people on the www, I went for the easy option, Myspace it is.
After a painstaking hour, I had put the finishing touches to my profile (Headline? Headline! About me? Enough about me!) and went about locating some ‘friends’. Only to find I’d already found the first one! No surprises there – it’s the guy who invented myspace. An 8-digit number above his name tells me I am not the only one. He looks like a happy kind of guy (eurgh), thumb optimistically raised skywards and all. Ah well.
Now, where have all my offline friends gone who are supposed to be on there? The search engine is dodgy, to say the least, but I eventually find one and by sifting through his (surprisingly extensive) list of ‘friends’ I find a lot of familiar faces in heavily photoshopped portraits.
Feeling more adventurous, I make an attempt to add random stranger to my list of new ‘friends’. HELEN LOVE, I type into the search box. No matches found. BIS, I type. Again, no matches found. Maybe the search thing isn’t working! OASIS, I type to check, followed by TITS. Suddenly a whole range of people’s profiles pop up. This is so wrong. So very, very, very wrong.
Forget and leave to stew for a couple of weeks …
Dignity has gone out of the window, I merrily add random people I like the look of and target them with ill-thought-out messages. ‘You have good glasses!’, ‘Well, hello!’ and ‘Hang on, do I know you?’ This seems to make people very cross very quickly. Houston, we have a result!
On the plus side, real (remember, the offline world, that thing we used to have …) people seem more inclined to converse on Myspace than they ever would on the phone. And, it’s fun stalking people from the privacy of your own home! The amount of people who actually post up entire galleries of themselves really helps there! The comments on these galleries are rather enlightening, too. I now have a theory that Californian girls have nothing better to do than drool over little English boys who like Emo. It’s a jungle out there!
And what’s with the bands desperate to add you to their list of associates? Luckily, the ‘listen to track’ function comes in handy and allows the music connoisseur to sift your Oasis from your Yummy Fur. I like that. Still, what ever possesses a thrash metal band to want to on their list? Do I look like I like metal?
Then there’s the desperados who put the word SINGLE and LOOKING FOR RELATIONSHIP in bold. Sadly, a quick browse of their profiles usually reveals they must be single for a reason very quickly. Or am I being unnecessarily nasty here? It almost reads like a Horse For Sale advert, where Billy the bay pony (who is a raving lunatic, bites little children and is dangerous to be around) is for sale ‘due to no fault of his own’. Yeah right!
I could go into a load of pub psychology about ‘How do people see me?’ and ‘How would I like to be seen?’ but the results could me more than worrying!
Still, I have now come to the conclusion Myspace is a rather fun way of killing time and it may well be the ‘sit in a café, watch people go by and think bitchy thoughts’ of the future.